Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
