Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
