Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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