Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
