Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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