the new term for farting is butt boxing.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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