I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
