Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
