so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
