dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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