Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
