I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
we're making bets on your personal life
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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