the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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