So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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