the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
