in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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