They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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