He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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