just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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