Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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