i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
God, I missed his penis.
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