mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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