You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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