somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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