you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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