You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
