so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
