I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
