things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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