she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
