hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
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