she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
