so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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