remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
