pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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