I think i sorta joined a cult last night
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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