Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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