What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
