where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
