I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
