just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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