What a fucking waste of an outfit
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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