I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
