the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
i've created a new STD.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
