Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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