so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
there is glitter all over my balls
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
