Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Someone shit on the floor
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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