I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Randomize
