I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
