well you can't waste a boner
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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