as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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