You work out of a Hotel?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I think i got beer on your cat.
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