Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
